Today i decided to create a blog so i can write how i really feel about everything that is going on. I do not know how long i will be able to keep up with this thing but for now i need to tell somebody whats going on.
Here i go...
Today was by far a day from hell, i just dont know what to do anymore. My boyfriend/ ex whatever he is at this point has just put a huge tole on our relationship. But let me back up a little bit about 2 years ago when we first started to date i found out he was cheating on me with his ex girlfriend also his daughters mom, and she is a whole other story. And just like any other girlfriend or boyfriend you hear the same shit and i gave it another try then i found him talking to these girls on FB and it wasnt appropriate at all. He acted out as if it was my fault and i felt like dying. There is a lot inbetween all that, and i am the one who stayed with him which was a completely dumb idea obvioulsy. I have been through a lot with him and today i found out that he is on this online dating thing and he was writing to these girls since the beginning of december and it was nasty and he is disgusting. But yet he sits on the phone with me says he loves me. Wel i confronted him today about it and his first reaction was to react like an ass which is so efffing dumb which made me feel like an idiot but he is the idiot! I have done everything for him, i am basically a mother to his child who he has full time and he is totaly different person when he is front of me but then he goes behind my back all the time as is not loyal or faithful. and my world is totally turned around right now. and i know a lot of girls have gone through this and im sure you have been able to get through it eventually with yourself and i dont tell any of my girlfriends or family because nobody understands and im the idiot who is still talking to him. but i just dont understand how he could do this to me. it makes no sense. I loved him. we made future plans and he screwed it all up to be a man whore on this stupid online BS website off his stupid phone. and right now i hate him, he needs help. and i need help. i need direction, i believe in god . i just dont know what to do anymore. with myself that is. i just cant deal at the moment. I am dying inside. how could he?
